It’s better to learn from a real world example. If I do not record this event and learn from it, I will be too stupid.
It all starts from an upcoming collaboration with A. My manager told me that after I finish my design, A will chime in and help implement part of the design. But A does not want to just implement. He want to involve in the design.
What he did, he started to prototype and create CLs with vague ideas, and on Monday he send them to me for review. I did not realize what does that mean. If I started to communicate, maybe we can negotiate. But during that time I do not have option 2 in hand yet.
On Tuesday, I discovered the direction of using option 2. And the critical conversation begins.
He got my brainstorm doc from my manager, and started to investigate the ideas. Then he claimed that his idea matches my idea.
I told him that I do not want to use the idea, and I told him my two new ideas. The two new ideas are not verified and documented, yet. But now he knows them, in ten minutes. Those two ideas waste me a week to discover and I only verified that the first one does not work.
- Can I do better? I should go and first document those ideas, or explore them.
Then my manager told him that I will design and he will implement. But he already had the ideas. He wanted to design! I compromised and added him to the design doc.
- Can I do better? I could insist that I almost finished the design.
After the discussion, with me and my manager, he realized that the second idea is more meaningful, and more practical. And he realized that he can explore that idea and document whatever he found. By documenting them, he is able to add himself as the author naturally.
- Can I do better? Yes, at this point I can ask him to finish prototyping his previous idea, which is not working. And I already realized that, but I did not say it out. I just agreed.
- In that moment, I am not sure if the new runtime would work. I am afraid of the unknowns.
See, in the whole process, when I stop thinking, I just keep agreeing. My mind is not clear, or I did not keep myself alert when I enter critical conversation.
- Can I do better in the future? I want to keep myself clear, and realize right after entering a critical conversation.
This time, let me finish the book “critical conversation” soon.